So, I'm feeling a little frustrated about things right now. I figure if I blog about it, someone will give me some good motivation/advice to get the ball rolling in the right (or any) direction. As most of you know, we adopted Isaiah about 2 1/2 years ago. Also, as most of you have told us personally, it's time to give Isaiah a sibling. Well, why can't life just be that easy? We've talked about it and I think David's a lot less concerned than I am, but I'm feeling stressed out trying to decide what we should do. He thinks that when the time is right, everything will just fall into place. I, on the other hand, need to have everything figured out.....like yesterday. For us to have a baby, there are too many options, which is what bothers me. Here is what I've been thinking about lately:
1. Foster Parenting. We have seriously been considering foster care, because we feel like it would give a child that needs it a good home, at least for awhile. We know that most likely we wouldn't be able to keep the foster child permanently and this scares me. Not just for David and I, but for Isaiah. Would he get too attached? Would David and I be able to handle it? Would we get a child we couldn't handle? That said, I still think it would be as difficult as it would be rewarding, but I really don't know what to expect. This, of course, would not guarantee us a child either.
2. Adoption. We would love to adopt again, but there are a lot of questions we need answers to first. Like, which agency should we work with? How long is it going to take us this time? Should we try foreign adoption? And most scary, how are we going to come up with that kind of money? Adopting Isaiah was so wonderful, why wouldn't we go this route again? My heart is leaning in this direction, but my head (and pocketbook) seem to tell me otherwise.
3. Fertility Treatments. This is something that absolutely scares me to death. I have lots of health issues - nothing major, but enough to make me wonder. Am I healthy enough to carry a child full term? Do we want to put all our eggs (and money) in this basket (of course, meaning my womb) and not have the fertility treatments even work? I'm not so much scared of the physical pain of pregnancy and labor as I am the emotional pain. Given my sister's experience and my health issues, is it something we should even consider?
I don't know. So many questions and so few answers. I know most of you are wondering if we've prayed about it. I can tell you that we have, but I'm just impatient and want that dumb stork to drop that cute little bundle off on our porch in the middle of the night. Too bad I don't still believe that's where babies come from - it sure would make life lots easier!!
8 comments:
These are huge life decisions. It's so hard when there's not a clear cut answer. I know what you mean about you being one way and David being the other way--I'm like you. It helps me feel like I have just maybe a LITTLE control on the situation. I really don't have any advice to give or insight, just know that I'm rooting for you guys and praying and I have faith everything will work out. I wish I could, like, DO something more than just say those trite words but I really do mean them. I'll be in pins and needles on what you guys decide to do. In the meantime, I'll be keeping my ears open for any babies that need a good family to go to. You never know...
I'm so sorry you have to make such a tough decision! Have you talked to a doctor about your health issues and fertility treatments? I'm sure if there were too many risks, a specialist would let you know.
Aubri,
Sorry, I'm stalking your blog, hope you don't mind me reading it. I was just going to tell you that I have a friend from High School who adopted her first baby. She had tried for 8 years and never got pregnant. Since then, she had done fertility treatments and has 5 more kids. She would probably have a lot to say if you are interested in talking to her. Let me know if you would like to and I will arrange it.
I don't know that I could give you any advice other than my family adopted my little brother from foster care and he had a lot of abuse in his background, and it tore our family apart, but that isn't every case. Just remember life is about eternal families...your first priority is the child you now care fore...and don't worry about making a decision until you both agree or come to the same decision... pray about it... try leaving it out of conversation and pray separately and then get together to talk about what you feel. Sometimes "opinions" like mine can interfere with personal revelation.. just don't feel like you have to decide now and take the time you need. It's like when you meet your eternal partner...you just know... and until you have that feeling...don't worry about making a decision!
Yikes, tough decisions Aubri! And all valid concerns. Here are my thoughts-- my parents and several I know have fostered before. It is tough for all the reasons you mentioned, but also-- usually lots of baggage and often not a happy result. Truthfully, I was often scared when having foster siblings in our home. A lot of uncertainty. But I believe it can be a positive thing too, though I think it can also take it's toll on you, as it did with my parents.
Because you never know on the timeframe of adoption, that would be hard to pursue.
I agree with the earlier comment about seeking out fertility advice. Just yesterday I heard a radio commercial for Seattle Reproductive Medicine- I think they mostly do IVF, but now it makes me think of you after reading your post. I'm not sure what specific fertility obstacles you are facing or if this would be an option, but I guess it couldn't hurt to consult with someone- perhaps on your next WA visit...?
There is a younger couple in our ward who tried for 6 years or so to conceive, I think, and finally were able to adopt 2 kids eventually and then recently through fertility and monitoring things, she is now pregnant with one of their own. But I know she struggled to know if they should adopt again or try something else. So you do have a hard decision to make. I'm sorry about that, but fortunately prayer and personal revelation allow you to know what is right for your family.
We are thinking of you!
My friend actually lives in Texas now and has done her fertility treatments there. She also did some in Seattle when she lived there. So, really I guess I was no help.
I forgot to mention that they did do foster care for several years. In fact the little boy they adopted was one they had in foster care first.
Aubri, I can totally see you right now, stressing out about this, and I'm so sorry. All that I can say is that I know that you and Dave are great parents, and good people. Lean on each other, and you will make the right decision. You are both so close to the spirit, and your faith inspires me. Good luck.
OK, I'll be blunt, cause I know you are counting on me to be. I will preface my bluntness with this: it really is such a personal thing that you really need to rely on personal revelation from the Lord. But since you asked, I think you should try to have one of your own. I know it's scary and it is valid to be afraid of what happened to Jodi, but you need to know that if something like that or something like what happened to Usaia is supposed to happen, it will. If you are living your life as righteously as you possibly can, those kinds of blessing and trials will come to you IF it is the Lord's will. Something could happen to any child fostered, adopted, or genetic. I know that doesn't ease your mind, but you know that's how I am. So, again, I say try fertility first, try to live your life as righteously as possible and I KNOW that when any trials come your way, Heavenly Father will be there to get you through them. GO TO THE TEMPLE!!!
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